In a previous blog post, I may have erroneously created the impression that I believe Simon Cowell to be motivated merely by money. Having now seen the affecting ‘X Factor’ television programme this evening and in particular the Finalists’ delightful rendition of some crap charity song that I can’t remember the name of, I realise I was woefully misinformed. In truth, Mr. Cowell is a living saint, a noble benefactor whose sole interest in life is to enhance the lives of children. He is, selfless to the core, donating the proceeds of this song – which is without question one of the finest and most original musical creations of all time, even if it has two pointless key changes because it has nowhere else to go – to a charity which is, in saintliness, only slightly less deserving than Mr. Cowell himself and his aptly-named ‘Syco’ company.
I shall therefore now be selling all my possessions to donate to this worthy, just and harmonious cause, reserving only enough money to buy the next single he’ll release, shortly afterwards, but just in time for Christmas, when there’s more money to be made. I am grateful for this opportunity to put the record straight.
